Tuesday, 31 December 2013
When is the right time to say "NO"
Tuesday, 31 December 2013 by Ja Sam
One of the toughest questions to answer. When your kid is being naughty, should you say no or just remove the source of the problem?
- For instance, your child is playing with your work desk. The game is getting harder and it’s threatening to take down your monitor, doing a lot of damage and hurting your child. Should you take him away and let it be or make a fuss of the whole situation, telling him it’s wrong? It depends. On his age, primarily. If he’s one, he probably can’t understand what “no” means and it makes no sense. If he’s two, walking freely around you must teach him not to do this, saying NO loud enough, making it clear to him that this is not a joke. He may cry for a while and get angry, but he’ll cool off. Next time when he’s alone and tempted to get himself in danger, he’ll think twice. That is why you need to pass the message even if it includes a spanking. This may sound like a blasphemy to all the theorists , but my attitude is – it’s better to be sorry before than to be sorry after. Scars on his soul can heal more easily than the scars on his head.
- Of course, you can’t forbid them everything. You must ask yourself if the thing they play with is too dangerous or/and too expensive. If it can’t hurt him, and you can spare buying another one, just let him proceed. If not, do not hesitate to break the game and take it away from him. Don’t have second thoughts. If it’s wrong to play with daddy’s glasses now, it will be wrong in an hour, tomorrow, when there is someone else around but you. Not just now. You need to stay firm on that topic. My point is, if you must ban some things, don’t overdo it, but when you do, be decisive. If you do that too often, the whole situation will become too common to be persuasive.
- And one more important thing. Don’t ever let your kid think you hate him for what he’s done. Make sure he knows you hate his action, not him. If you told him “NO”, or got him upset, hug him and let him calm down in your arms, letting him know you still love him. You don’t want your child to be dependent on praises, this can make his life really difficult later on.
- The whole hurt and hug thing may sound strange, but when you think about it, it makes perfect sense. And when you see a child screaming and kicking in a store, don’t be too quick to get all judgmental. There are more to it than meets the eye. The child may be hungry, tired, teething. He may just be channeling his frustration through screaming over a toy. This is not a reason to chide your kid. The parents usually get upset and fight with the child, or just ignore it. This will only make it worse. If you ever get in such situation, hold him and calm him down. Then find out what’s really troubling him.
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